Genius23
"True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information." Winston Churchill
 

Project Sanctuary Players Questionnaire by Linda, 53 England

Linda, 53, England

  I guess the only thing is I don't feel I have at all grasped the full use and significance of Sanctuary but I do feel it is in my life for keeps.  

Linda, 53, England

  What was it like reading it for the first time?

It was quite freeing really.

Like being given permission to do something you would love doing but had either not thought of doing or thought was 'not allowed'.

At the same time it is simple enough in concept and leaves one thinking why didn't I just do these things anyway!

How have you used the Project Sanctuary approaches so far?

Of course for my Adam Faith experiences. For just chilling out in a lot of the time.

Recently I had the feeling that if only I had a couple of old Aunts living in the country on a small farm they would look after me and make me well. They would feed me in a simple country fashion without fads and food sensitivities and cholesterol worries etc. In reality I am discovering several food allergies and need to follow a diet for hypoglycaemia which is all very wearing and inconvenient.

So I realised after quite a few weeks of this yearning that in fact these Aunts for sure live in Sanctuary and so I have sent myself there and that is where I am in the background whilst dealing with reality here. Occasionally I go and see how I'm getting on. They want me to rest a great deal.

The initial setting up of my Sanctuary created a few shifts in real life.

What are the most important learnings you have derived from doing Project Sanctuary?

That I have possibly never been in love despite being married twice. I have confused it with enjoying being loved which is a different thing entirely and with conditional love.

It has also stretched my mind as far as what is real and what is not and does it matter!

Do you have a favourite PS story you would like to share?

This is my favourite story. I have already shared it with the group but here it is again. It is about my meeting with Adam Faith for the first time since my teenage Sanctuary experiences.

At first, though we met in the beautiful gardens of my house, we found ourselves in a hotel bedroom, me wearing my school uniform! Not as kinky as it sounds, this would be my usual garb at the time I last 'visited' Adam when I was about 14 years old :-)

Clearly sex was on the cards and I was not happy with this. It seemed so impersonal and unloving. So I said so and what happened then was extremely surprising to me. Basically we spent a whole day in the most romantic way possible - walking on the cliffs, lunching a deux somewhere overlooking the sea, sailing on a yacht and swimming in the sea all afternoon culminating in a delicious romantic dinner with candlelight and dancing cheek to cheek. Throughout the whole day Adam was perfection, he was incredibly attentive and seemed to be delighted to be with me the whole time. He told me how much he loved me and finally asked me to marry him!!! The stunning part is I did not know what to do with all this. So Adam took me to see a delightful Irish priest in a cottage on the cliffs and this is what happened:

Adam told the priest we wanted to talk to him about marrying and this is what he said.

"Well now, the thing is when you decide to marry you send out a powerful message to the universe. You stand your two selves there on a kind of pedestal, saying here we are, standing as one. And now the universe sends back the winds of change, the lightning bolts of insecurity, the thunder clouds of indecision and the rain of individuality. If you are not standing very firmly on solid ground then you will be swept away and I'm not wanting to see you, Linda my dear, drowned in the flood and mire of your own uncertainty. So, before taking this momentous step, my advice is go from here and put all your efforts into finding your own, your very own solid ground."

It became clear to me that, although I believe I have been loved, I, myself, have never really loved. The actions and feelings that I have translated as love have, in fact, been actions to attract love and the feeling of being loved but where was the feeling of unconditional loving? The strongest feeling right now with Adam is that he is showering me with his love, and enjoying it immensely, but I am simply an empty, cracked vessel, just taking and taking and finding I can never be filled up. I would like to find the ability to love. I understand I have it in me but it is deeply hidden.

Anything else you'd like to say?

One always feels there ought to be LOL.

I guess the only thing is I don't feel I have at all grasped the full use and significance of Sanctuary but I do feel it is in my life for keeps.

I don't go there all the time and long periods may elapse between visits but I never, ever forget it exists. 

Linda, 53, England

 
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